should I really trust you?

Friday 26 April 2019


بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ 
In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful


Should I really trust you? - thought that has been stressing me out a bit lately yang sampai ada blogpost unsure tu

Last night, I screwed up everything and I was hopeless. He's not really my boyfriend but all I can say is there IS something going on between us ha gitu. And after aku dah serabut kan keadaan, I tried to fix things but it didn't seem to work out lah. Jam dah nak pukul 11.30 malam and without hesitation I called him (for the first time). I'd never felt like hmm cane eh nak cakap, never felt fear of losing someone ha macamtu lah kot. I was so scared that I made a phone call. Walaupun dia tak nampak effort aku huhu.

He answered my call late, of course he was thinkin' either to pick it up or decline. And thank god, he answered!!

I really dunno what to do, since I've never been in a relationship nor handling this kind of situation jadi aku blank kejap. All I did was sincerely told him everything. Ending up passing all the burden I had been carried for the past months to him. During the 3 hours (lama do hahaha before ni paling pun 1 jam 45 mins) of phone call, I was the one who did the talk since he wasn't really in the mood. First time aku cakap banyak tau!!!! First time aku rasa macamni.

Like he always always show how much he likes me by showing it directly to me. But it's hard for me sebab aku tak reti? But I do like him a lot!!!! I tell about him to Allah (every single day in every solat), my family, friends, diaries and even here on blog a lot haihhhhhhh so much!!! Engko faham tak yang aku yang crush kat kau dulu, aku yang duk cari socmed kau hari hari walaupun tak jumpa, aku yang duk jenjalan kat hospital sebab nak terserempak dengan kau, aku yang duk tulis diari and blogpost pasal kau haih how can you like me more than I do? 🙄

Alhamdulillah, things worked out just how I wanted it to be. Berbaik dah lah hm okay lah kot I guess. I was glad I can finally go to sleep at 3 am sebab esoknya tu kerja omg 😂 just incase you, Fila read this (walaupun aku tak bagitahu lagi pasal blog ni) I do like you a lot walaupun I don't show or say it. That night, I said that 143 for the first time ever to someone other than my fam like it's crazy man!!! Even when my friends said those words, I never reply. Tapi sekali tu jelah hahaha kalau suruh repeat cakap lagi sekali hm memang senyap jelah kot 😂

Till then xoxo

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