Saturday, 13 November 2021
in secret
i'm kinda jealous of other couples.
i mean we're happy but i just miss being exposed by the other one. idk why but he just rarely exposed me. as a woman, of course lah siapa tak terasa. i've been tolerating and fighting my own feeling.
nak sedih, nak nangis but i hold it in.
and i feel jealous to see my friends going out for dating with their partners and post igstory. we used to do that. we used to. now, rarely. setahun sekali, dua kali. i can count.
writing this pun dah nangis. penat kan jadi perempuan.
i just want to be the old us. tak kisah orang cakap banyak kali keluar ke, kaya ke, makan mahal ke, pergi banyak tempat ke. if there's people yang akan persoalkan, i will bluntly say Eh aku guna duit kau ke, menyusahkan mak ayah kau ke? Annoying. Duit aku, suka hati aku lah.
i don't want to live a life where i have to pleased people. i'm tired of doing so tho.
and i really hope that he'll think the same and become the old him. i just miss you, the old you.
i told you i was sad because i want you to post about me without me telling you. but see, sampai harini pun takde. now i know that although you said i'm important, i'm not really that important anymore.
